💗 How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways: The Power of Counting Love

By Alan Lowis

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Right from the first line, we’re invited into something simple yet profound: the act of naming love. Of trying to articulate something that, by nature, feels infinite and often inexpressible.

We often say “I love you” — but rarely do we stop and name why.What makes it sacred? What makes it lasting? What makes it yours?

• “Some things that count can’t be counted.

• Some things that can be counted don’t really count.”

  
  

But sometimes, the very act of trying to count what’s truly meaningful is what gives it weight and shape.

Naming love is a way of honoring it.

This sonnet is not a measurement—it’s a meditation.

Sonnet 43: How Do I Love Thee?  

By Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

Theme 1: Love Without Limits

“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / My soul can reach…”

These are not surface-level feelings. This is soul-depth.

The poet is trying to map out a love that goes beyond sight—beyond the physical, beyond logic, even beyond understanding.

It’s love as a spiritual force—a connection that stretches out toward “the ends of Being and ideal Grace.”

This is love that approaches the divine.It’s as infinite as the soul’s reach.

Theme 2: Love in the Everyday

“I love thee to the level of every day’s / Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.”

After naming the vast and eternal… She returns to the intimate and ordinary.

Love isn’t only in the grand gestures—it’s in the small moments.

It’s in making tea. Holding hands. Remembering how they take their coffee.

It’s love at 10am and at 10pm. In daylight and in shadow.

It’s consistency, care, and showing up again and again.

This verse reminds us:

The way we love someone daily—when no one is watching—is one of the deepest ways to love.

Theme 3: Love as Passion, Virtue, and Faith

“I love thee freely… purely… with the passion put to use in my old griefs…”

Love here is not passive. It is active, ethical, and powerful.

• “Freely” — given by choice, not obligation.

• “Purely” — not for gain or approval.

• “With the passion put to use in my old griefs” — love that transforms pain into purpose.
  

She even ties it to childhood faith and lost saints—a love that is reverent, innocent, and devotional.

This isn’t a shallow emotion.

This is love that has walked through fire—and still chooses to love again.

Theme 4: Love Beyond Death

“I shall but love thee better after death.”

Here, love becomes eternal.

It defies time, distance, even mortality.

It’s not just romantic—it’s spiritual loyalty.

A kind of vow: Even if my body leaves this world, my love never will.

This final line reminds us why Sonnet 43 has lasted across centuries:

Because it dares to say what we all long to believe—

That real love transcends everything.

❤️ “How Do I Love Thee?” – A Practice in Remembering Love

We often say “I love you”…

But how often do we stop and count the ways?

Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s timeless poem isn’t just a sonnet—it can be part of a spiritual practice. A way of turning toward the one we love and asking:

“What is it I truly love about you?”

“Where does that love live in my life?”

“How do I show it? How do I feel it? How do I remember it?”

When we name love, we deepen it.

When we count the ways, we amplify what matters most.

So today, let’s not just read the poem.

Let’s live it.

Love Wears Many Faces

We love people for what they do…

For how they show up, how they make us feel, how they care, protect, listen, laugh, forgive.

We love them for their character…

Their loyalty, their tenderness, their passion, their joy.

We love them for how they touch our senses—

The way they smile, the sound of their voice, the comfort of their embrace.

We love them for what they’ve given us, sacrificed, taught, and shared.

But there’s also a deeper kind of love…

The kind of love that says:

“I don’t love you for what you do.

I love you… because you are.”

This is the kind of love we feel for a parent, a child, a soul-partner, or anyone whose being is enough to move us.

It’s the love that says:

“I would protect you. I would suffer for you. I want only good for you—whether or not I’m part of it.”

It’s the kind of love that tends the flower, rather than picks it.

That wants it to bloom freely.

This is the highest form of love—not possession, but presence and but deep caring.

A Child’s Innocent Way of Counting Love

Ask a small child why they love their mother, and you’ll often hear:

“Because she makes me pancakes.”

“Because she kisses me goodnight.”

“Because she’s always there.”

They speak in gestures. In action. In presence.

And they’re right. Those things matter deeply.

Yet as we grow… something else awakens.

“I love my mother not just because of what she does for me…

I love her because of who she is.

Because when I look at her—I see goodness. I see love itself.”

That’s where this practice begins:

With noticing. With remembering. With naming the love you feel—and why.

PRACTICE 1: Count the Ways You Love Them

You don’t need grandiose poetry.

You don’t need perfect words.

You just need a heart willing to see what’s always been there.

Think of someone you love.

Picture their face. See them in your mind and feel them in your heart.

Really feel the love you have for them and that they share with you.

And begin to name the ways.

Set aside 5–10 minutes and write:

“I love you because…”

and count the ways.

Here are some prompts to help. 

Use these phrases as inspiration, or choose your favorites and personalize them. 

If it touches your heart… it’s worth saying out loud.

🌟 Senses

“I love you because…”

I love the way you smile when no one’s watching.

I love the sound of your laugh—it warms the whole room.

I love how safe I feel when you hold me.

I love your voice when you say my name.

I love the way your eyes light up when you’re excited.

I love the softness in your touch.

I love the scent of your skin when you lean in close.

I love the way your energy fills a space—even when you’re quiet.

💬 Actions

“I love you because…”

I love how you check in when I’m quiet.

I love how you show up—even when it’s hard.

I love the little things you do that most people wouldn’t notice.

I love how you bring me my morning coffee, or how you cook me my favorite meal.

I love the way you tuck the blanket around me when I’ve fallen asleep.

I love that you take the time to understand me.

I love that you remember the things I forget.

I love how you try, even when you're tired.

🧠 Mind & Soul

“I love you because…”

I love how you think—how deeply, how curiously, how creatively.

I love how your mind solves problems and your heart holds space.

I love your dreams, your values, your integrity.

I love your strength—and your softness.

I love the way you love people.

I love how you stay kind, even when life hasn’t been.

I love who you are when no one’s watching.

I love your questions, your wonder, your wisdom.

💓 Emotional Impact

“I love you because…”

I love how you make me feel seen, safe, and enough.

I love how you bring me back to myself when I forget who I am.

I love how calm I feel when you're near.

I love that I can be messy with you.

I love that with you, I don’t have to pretend.

I love how we laugh about the same silly things.

I love how your love has made me more loving.

💗 Depth & Presence

“I love you because…”

I love you for how deeply you listen.

I love you for the way you really see me. I love you even when we sit in silence.

I love you when you hold me without needing to fix anything.

I love you for being present, even when you don’t have words.

I love you for the quiet ways you stay.

☀️ Everyday Moments

“I love you because…”

I love you when you stretch and yawn in the morning.

I love how your hair looks when it’s a mess.

I love the way you laugh at things no one else finds funny.

I love you for dancing in the kitchen.

I love you when you make ridiculous faces just to make me laugh.

I love you when you fall asleep mid-movie.

I love that waking up next to you makes everything better.

🔥 Passion & Purpose

“I love you because…”

I love your fire—what you stand for, what you care about.

I love the way you fight for us.

I love your conviction, your courage, and your compassion.

I love how you don’t give up.

I love that you believe in what matters.

I love your tenderness, even when you try to act tough.

I love the way your purpose shows through your actions.

🌙 Eternal Love

“I love you because…”

I’ve loved you through joy and through pain.

I would still choose you, again and again.

If love lasts beyond this life, mine will.

I love you in ways that words can’t contain.

I love you through distance, through change, through time.

I will love you when we’re gray, slow, and wrinkled.

And if I’m ever lost, I will still find you.

I love you forever—and then some.

💫 Beyond Words

“I love you because…”

I love you simply because you are.

I don’t need a reason—I just love you.

I love you in the quiet, in the chaos, in the in-between.

I would walk through fire for you.

If I could take your pain, I would.

I love you with a love that doesn’t need to be explained—it just is.

And sometimes the most powerful love doesn’t need reasons.

Just….   

I love you. 

I honestly love you. 

I deeply love you.  

I really love you. 

I love you so very much.

✨ Additional Practice: Write a Letter of Love

Look over your list.

Find the lines that stir something deep inside—

The ones that feel most true, most powerful, most tender.

Let those be your guide.

Now, write a letter to that person you love.

Use simple paper or something special—parchment, handmade paper, or even a scroll tied with ribbon. But anything handwritten always has more meaning.

Let it feel sacred.

Or make it a simple declaration of love. 

But let it feel like a gift from the heart..

Begin however feels right:

• Dear ______

• Dear Love

• To My Heart

• My Dearest [Name]

• For You, ______

• Simply their name, written with care and love

Then pour it out.

Write what’s true. Write what’s real

Let the list guide you, line by line.

Let your heart speak.

And when you’re ready—share it with the person you love.

Leave it on a pillow.

Read it to them in person or over the phone.

Mail it, Fold it. 

Or hold their hands and look them in their eyes while they hear your say the words yourself and feel your love coming through.

Because to count the ways you love someone...

Is not to measure it—

But to honor it.

And to share those ways aloud is to offer them a magical mirror—

So they can finally see themselves through the eyes of your love.

✨ Additional Practice: Write a Letter of Love… to Yourself

Before you go—there’s one more letter to write.

We often give our love freely to others,

but forget to offer that same tenderness, forgiveness, and devotion to the person we spend every moment with:

Ourselves.

So go back to the list.

Look again—but this time, through the lens of you.

Ask yourself:

“What do I love about me?”

What strength has gotten you through?

What tenderness have you shown others?

What laughter, what tears, what resilience lives in you?

And begin again.

I love you because…

I love the way you keep going.

I love your heart, your courage, your softness.

I love the way you care for others, even when you’re tired.

I love how far you’ve come.

Write it.

Even if it feels unfamiliar.

Even if your hand shakes.

Use the same care and beauty you would offer to someone else you love.

Write your name at the top.

Sign it with love.

And when you're done—read it aloud.

To yourself.

With your hand over your heart.

You deserve to hear those words, too.

Because you are worthy of love.

Not someday. Not once you’ve achieved something.

But right now. As you are.

Perfectly Imperfect. Fully human. Fully loved.

💌 Share the Love

If this article and the practices moved you…

If you made your own list, wrote your letter, or thought of someone who still fills your heart—

If you turned inward and reminded yourself of all the love already inside…

Don’t keep it to yourself.

Share this page with someone you love.

Or someone who might need a gentle nudge to say the words in their own heart.

Or someone who’s forgotten how deeply they deserve to be loved—including by themselves.

Because love, when spoken, multiplies.

And when shared, it reminds others of what truly matters.

Let’s keep spreading that love.

One list. One letter. One heart at a time. ❤️